Day 4 and the strangest thing has just happened. The feeling of determination has just washed over me, a feeling I remember that got me sober before. I’m feeling grateful today to not be spending all morning thinking about going to the shops for drink.
So far this morning I’ve walked the dog, cooked a good breakfast, drank good coffee, been out to have a mani and pedi and even done some housework.
The alternative could have been popping out to buy some drink. Drinking until I passed out. Waking up feeling dreadful later today and wondering how I could get more booze. Repeat tomorrow.
It’s incredible to think that one is even a choice over the other.
I’m pleased I started alcohol addiction Counselling yesterday. It was amazing to start processing my issue with a professional. We talked through triggers and behaviours that happen when I relapsed and we came up with a plan to avoid them this weekend. She said something very interesting, I will share in case they help anyone else like they helped me.
“For many people who use alcohol to cope when they go through a trauma, it didn’t make things worse, it saved their lives. Because it was a coping mechanism that stopped them from killing themselves.”
The session reminded me how I’d always had dreams of taking my masters in psychology. So, when I got home I researched courses I could take.
The other thing that has been driving me crazy over the last 5 weeks of heavy binge drinking, has been trying to decide if I want to leave my Husband after finding out he’s been having an affair. Something I uncovered with my counsellor is that anger is an emotion that leads me to drink, and seeing my Husband makes me angry. So that makes sense. What I have realised though is that I don’t need to make a decision about that now. I need to straighten myself out, get myself in track and I can make that call when I am strong again.
Sorry- a bit of a boring post but I needed to get a few emotions down.
Sharing my positive feeling with any of you out there who need it today xxx